I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
