this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
