I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
