Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
