I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
