Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
