I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
