I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
