There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
