i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
