she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
