I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
