I wanna passion pit in your ass
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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