We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
