I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
