I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
