Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
