I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
