wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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