My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
