you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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