he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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