Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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