ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
