I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
