I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my poor anus
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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