so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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