i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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