why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
