I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
