have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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