Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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