Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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