Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
