Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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