I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
