Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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