so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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