sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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