so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
