mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
