I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
