Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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