good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
