She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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