I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sext me about skeletons
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
