I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
