he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
