I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
