youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
