My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
