We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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