hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
