Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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