I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
